DARNELL DOCKETT NEEDS SEX THERAPY. AND ICE CREAM. (AND, MAYBE, OPRAH AND MEGAN FOX.)

If you’ve ever wondered what a first date would be like with defensive tackle, Darnell Dockett, just know that it doesn’t involve lavish dinners or romantic carriage rides.

Mr. Dockett’s cardinal rule for dating: The first date must be at Baskin Robbins.

Ahh yes, ice cream; inarguably the way to a woman’s heart. And who are the lucky sundae recipients you ask?

Darnell tweeted:

Ok so I have this thing for Oprah, and the girl from transformers, and I'm so confused on who I wanna invite for ice cream can u all HELP!

Oprah or Megan Fox? What an eclectic group of ice cream candidates! I didn’t know that Dockett liked such a wide variety of women…

But once a prospective date is chosen, ice cream isn’t all that they get. Darnell likes to woo his lovely lady with a thoughtful poem.

A decisive, descanting Dockett then tweeted:

Please tell Oprah I said Roses are RED Violets are blue she can have 90 if she add 8 to 82!.!.!.!. That was purdy it almost made me tear ;-(

Well I’m pretty sure that Oprah can do math, but I don’t know if she necessarily wants you…

And if the allusion to Oprah and Darnell wasn’t bizarre enough,  #90 went on to raunchily tweet:

That Robin Thicke song sex therapy iiD DO MAJOR DAMAGE TO THAT SONG, neighbors would def know my name! I'd def have a messy mustache o_O!

Oprah screaming out “Darnell”? Messy mustaches? Thank you Darnell Dockett, I am officially scarred for life.

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