Tanner Cooley Doesn’t Love Randy Moss

Breaking news from The Cooley Zone: the guys who play for the Patriots are apparently not-so-nice. Of course, we already knew that.  But Chris Cooley’s brother Tanner had to learn that lesson the hard way when he went into the Patriots locker room to try to conduct some interview for the site.  Tanner writes:

Being in an opposing team's locker room is entirely new to me. I have never entered one, let alone one that housed New England Patriots. One of the best current teams around. Needless to say, there was a small amount of intimidation prior to me entering which was only magnified by Belichick's cold heartless stare. I thought Z had a stern look, but Belichick, the grim reaper lives in his eyes.

Tanner, emboldened after surviving a few minutes in the locker room, makes his move:

I have no idea why but I decided to post up at Randy Moss's locker. I knew he was still there because all his shit was in his locker. A minute or two passed before he emerged from the depths of the locker room. I patiently stood waiting like a school boy in the principal's office for Moss to acknowledge me. Finally after waiting for several minutes.

"Whatchu want man?" He said glaring at me over his shoulder.

"What's up man. Do you have a second?"

Nothing

"I'm Chris Cooley's brother. I just wanted to see if I could get your thoughts on the game. It's for Chris's website.

"Man, that don't mean shit to me! No interviews."

Tanner, completely taken aback, had never met or read anything about Randy Moss:

At this point Moss had completely blown my mind. I never knew that Randy Moss, or anyone for that matter, could be such a bitch after catching 2 touchdowns and winning a football game.

But, wait, maybe there was some hope after all:

Enter Ben Watson, "Man, you look exactly like Chris Cooley."

You can liken my feelings at this point to finding an English speaking person in a foreign country. With what little dignity I had left I managed to to utter, "Ya, he's my brother. Would you mind (pointing at camera), this is for his website."

Then again, maybe there wasn’t:

BW: "No interviews." he said in the same rude voice that Moss did. "But tell your bro what's up."

That's not all:

And just as I thought the interview debacle was over, Randy pulled another dick move. "Ya, tell your bro WE said what's up!"

Another country heard from.

Tanner was understandably distraught after his experience with the New England bullies:

As I exited the locker room, dejected and pissed off, I couldn't help but think how big of assholes those guys were. I know the facts, I was a zilch in their locker room, but I also know that not one player on the Redskins would treat someone like that. Not one.

In the end, Tanner takes his comfort in much the same way that any hot-blooded American male would -- he hopes for bad things to befall his enemies:

I hope they had a shitty plane ride home filled with turbulence and visions of this as they went to bed.

By "this" he means this:

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