Darnell Dockett finds love at training camp

An NFL training camp can take a toll on man.  The constant physical abuse of contact and pushing your body to its limit in the August heat.  The mental strain of being away from family and friends and trapped in a dorm.  Meetings and practices all day topped off with cafeteria food. Not every man has the mental and physical fortitude to withstand it.

Arizona Cardinals veteran defensive tackle, Darnell Docket (or Nine-0 as he now wants to be called) may be showing signs of a mental breakdown.  Either that or he is going through withdraw from strawberry ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery (with extra strawberries and graham crackers) , which he mentioned at least 7 times this week.  (No joke) This state of delirium / hunger / mental fatigue has brought us one of this weeks funnier series of (non fine-worthy) training camp tweets.

WTF I JUST SAW A SPIDER IN MY ROOM UMM WHATS ORKIN# CAUSE THIS AINT GONNA WORK_ HOLD UP MAYBE IF THE SPIDER BITE ME I CAN BE LIKE SPIDER MAN

Realizing that the NFL would quickly institute a "Darnell Dockett / Spider Man rule" of penalizing the webbing of a quarterback (after all, they are precious and they don't wanna be all sticky), Dockett quickly came up with a different plan.

I CAUGHT THE SPIDER AND PUT HER IN A JAR. I ASSUME SHES A GIRL CAUSE SHE WATCH ME PUT LOTION ON WHILE I LAY DOWN WITH TIGHTY WHITEYS ON

Ok!  Wow!  Yuck!  There is NO part of me that needed to know, or think, about a 6'4", 285 pound man laying around in "tighty whiteys" rubbing lotion on himself.  A little warning before you spring something like that on us.  Please!  Something like: "To all of those with minds that tend to paint a picture as you read, please avoid the next tweet." Would that have been so damn hard?  This is another tweet that certainly falls under the TMI category.

As if this night wasn't already a strange enough, Nine-0 takes it a step farther by describing his sexy roommate captive.

HER NAME IS BECKY AND SHES GREYISH BLACK WITH LONG LEGS AND SHES FAST TOO. I CANT BELIEVE I JUST CAUGHT ME A FEMALE PET SPIDER. MRS NINE-O

I personally love Darnell's caveman attitude of see her, catch her, put her in a jar.  .  .  . she's my wife.  If that's enough to constitute a marriage, I apparently had a nice harem of lightning bug wives back in my younger days.  Who knew?

I know yall may think im crazy but im telling the truth one thing i dont lie to yall. if my ubertwitter worked id twittpic the sexy beast..

Oh Darnell, we don't doubt you.  Why would anyone make something this precious strange?

i wonder whats she saying--> "u big handsome stud with dreads if i was human id bite and u if u let me out this jar ill get u cold stone"WTF

Wait a second here!  If she was human she'd still have to be asked to be let out of the jar?  Someone please check Darnell's pantry at home.

goodnight.. becky becky ur not free ur stuck in my jar now MARRY ME. becky becky please dont go> u found the right one and thats NINE-O :-)

I guess Darnell may be possibly sensing Becky's rejection to the whole captive in a jar marriage concept.  Like many men before him, he turns to poetry to save his struggling relationship.  I personally would never choose to remind someone they are "not free" or "stuck" in anything, while rhyming my way to acceptance/forgiveness/love but to each his own.

Since we haven't heard anything from the Nine-0 since last night we can assume one of a few things.

1. Becky got out in the middle of the night and bit him in the jugular
2. He skipped out on the rest of camp to run away to a tropical paradise with his 8-legged love
3. Becky died because of lack of oxygen and Darnell went on a rampage after another  "love-in-a-jar" left him
   

That's all the possible scenarios I can see.  Hopefully we'll get an update on Mr. and Mrs. Becky Dockett soon.